Too Late

“The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy- that one’s mine, right?”

“No, it’s mine.”

“I remember buying it-“

“Mine.”

“Okay, okay… What about this copy of Lord of the Rings?”

“Also mine.”

“Really? Wow… You know, all couples should put their names into their books at the offset, that way the whole breaking up thing would be a hell of a lot easier.”

“Maybe they should.”

“Look, you’re being really unreasonable about this, Shelly. I’m trying to make conversation and you’re being difficult.”

“Wasn’t that what you loved about me?”

“Sarcasm. Nice. Like I haven’t heard that before.”

“Whatever.”

“Do you have to be rude?”

“Maybe I do.”

“No, you don’t. I’m being amiable. ‘If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say it at all’.”

“Quoting your last girlfriend?”

“Uncalled for.”

“Totally called for. The last girl you dated was in the fifth grade.”

“Shelly-“

“Okay. Fine. Sorry.”

“You’re acting like a child. A child with serious issues.”

“I’m PMSing.”

“Explains a lot.”

“You should know. You PMS more than any girl I’ve ever met.”

“That doesn’t make sense.”

“Don’t sound so defeated, honey bear. You know you could argue the meaning out of me any day.”

“You’re trying to get me angry, aren’t you?”

“What on earth could you possibly be implying?”

“You’re picking a fight.”

“I am not!”

“I’m not going to fight with you…. Complete Works of William Shakespeare?”

“The big one’s yours. Small one mine.”

“God I love those plays.”

“I know.”

“You gave me this copy, didn’t you?”

“Yup.”

“At the beginning.”

….
 
“So, where’re you gonna go?”

“I’m staying with Benny for a week or so while I find a place.”

“Good.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I mean it. I wouldn’t want you to have to go back to your mom’s place just because you had to move out.”

“I wouldn’t have moved out if it meant going back to mom’s. I’d have stayed with you forever.”

“What?”

“Shelly, come on. It was a joke.”

“That was not a joke. You did not just make that a joke.”

“I did. No big.”

“No big? No big? Very big big!”

“Stop talking like you’re in Buffy. Speaking of-“

“Mine, buttmonkey.”

“Buttmonkey?”

“I-“

…

“Shelly?”

“Go away! Just leave! Get away from me!”

“Are you crying?”

“No!”

“By no you mean yes?”

“NO!”

“Shelly, you’re drenched. Either you just had a shower on your face or you’re crying.”

“I’m not crying over you! You’re a jerk face and a buttmonkey and you don’t deserve me so why do I want you so much? Why does it feel like you ripped out my heart?”

“Because I did?”

“Why does it hurt so much?”

“Shelly-“

“Don’t touch me. Stay away… please. Just-“

“I know it hurts. But you have to move on.”

“I can’t believe I loved you.”

…

“What?”

“I said, I can’t believe I loved you.”

“You never-“

“I never said it, did I? Never spoke it out loud. But you’d have known. If you looked, you’d have realized that I would have died for you. I would have killed myself if it would keep you alive. I would have-“

“Stop.”

“You don’t want to hear this? Not after you cheated on me with another girl? You don’t have the endurance to listen to your leftovers? The stupid cow you dated for three years? Well, fine, good to know you have opinions, but I don’t care. You’re going to listen. You’ll listen if I have to lock you in a room and scream my confessions through a keyhole.”

“You’re being dramatic.”

“I am not! You hurt me, Chris. You took my heart and you threw it away like it was worth nothing to you. I loved you and you didn’t love me. You never loved me, did you?”

“I-“

“Get out. Go away. I don’t care about your stuff. Just get away from me.”

“Shelly, I’m-“

“Sorry?”

“Yes.”

“Too late.”